I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
