Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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