Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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