i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
