I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
