We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
