so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
