Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
