i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
