Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
