Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
sex in a hospital.. check
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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