Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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