I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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