i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
