dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
