I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
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All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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