If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
