Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
