I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
