I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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