My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
