Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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