i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
