i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
