i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
