wrigley field is MILF paradise
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
