why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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