If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
