The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
