I love black thongs
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
These tits shall not be calmed
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
