you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
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You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
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I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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