Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
