i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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