Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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