Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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