your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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