If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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