in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
