I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
