but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
