I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
