what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
