Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
