i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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