Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i used baking grease as lip gloss
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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