I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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