I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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