i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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