I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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