you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
