I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
