I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
