I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
