Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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