i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
