Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
