i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
