I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
