i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Boobs speak an international language.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize