A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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