I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
