call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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