you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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