I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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