What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
