By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
