How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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