I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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