Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
