FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
