Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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