DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
