She's JV to your varsity
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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