Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
